Much has occured in the 2 1/2 years since I last posted. In fact, I kind of forgot I had started this blog at all.
My walk with Christ has been steady but bumpy. There has been much evidence of grace in my life and God's providence is amazing! My desire is to post some of the more significant things God has accomplished in me since my last post. It is, however, nearly 6:30am and I need to get ready for work.
I pray that I am faithful in this. Hopefully, more to come later...
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Steps of progress
God's Word transforms lives. There are words no truer than these. I have been in God's precious Word more the last couple of weeks than I had been in months. Two or three days ago I had about a 3 hour quiet time sitting out on my front porch. I awoke about 3am with tons of energy and refreshed as I was on my way to a complete recovery over inflenza (which had made the previous 4-5 days VERY difficult to say the least). During this quiet time, I finished reading the book of Luke (read about 12 chapters), prayed and simply contemplated life on what was a beautifully cool morning. That morning was the type of morning I desire to have all the time. I was at peace.
With my mind not racing and being focused on Christ, I could hear His still, small voice much more clearly than I had been able to recently. One of the things this helped me to do was realize that I needed to not just stop my Warcraft subscription (which I had done almost a month prior but my paid time had not finished up yet) but to actually delete all of my characters. This decision did not make me sad, nor did I really have to struggle with it like I thought I would have. It was like God made my path perfectly clear and in stead of experiencing regret over deleting characters I had spent many hours building up, I experienced a sense of relief. You see, one of the things I realized in the still of the night was that this game, which is simply a game, had become to me something that was actually causing stress in my life.
How can a game stress one out? Well, for me, since I had multiple characters there was always something I needed to do for these guys. In a sense I was juggling the 'lives' of these guys and making decisions. Well, by my very nature, if I have a decision to make, I will think and research that decision ad nauseum. So, my daily thought life was becoming filled with planning and decision making for fictional gaming characters. Sounds silly as I type this, but that is what was happening to me. So, when I made the decision to actually delete these characters what I felt was an actual release of my mental energies. So, now, without the perceived need to think about or research for a game, I have been able to refocus my mind on Christ.
Here is another amazing side effect of this decision. Since I had a lot of stuff these characters had amassed, I gave it all away. I felt like what I might imagine a dying cancer patient must feel when he knows how much time he has left. All of those things I once worked so hard to obtain became to me nothing. So, I gave it all away. That process was one of the most fun times I had playing Warcraft. I gave a lot of stuff to a guy who I had known for about 6 months. I don't think he is a Christian but I encouraged him in the Lord numerous times. I sent him an in-game mail and gave him my email address to write to me if he ever wanted to know more about eternal salvation. I saw him on-line last night as I was deleting my guys and he expressed an interest in staying in touch via email. Who knows, perhaps this is part of how God is bringing him into the Kingdom. The rest of my stuff and a lot of my gold I gave to a guy I had basically just met. As I was saying goodbye to my guild-mates and explaining why I was leaving the game, this guy starting chatting with me about the Lord. He and I instantly hit it off. We have already made email contact with each other and he has been a great encouragement to me. I had a few others encourage me in the Lord and tell me they would pray for me and one guy who really asked I pray for his job situation. Amazing - you are playing a game and around you there are believers everywhere but nobody really knows it. So, in the end, I have developed a true friend in Christ and someone who perhaps I can lead to Christ. How awesome is that?!
Well, almost 6 am and have been working on this blog for almost 45 minutes. Gonna get out my Bible and sit by the fireplace (only 30 degrees this morning - the other day was just a little glimpse of spring being around the corner) and spend some time with the Lord.
With my mind not racing and being focused on Christ, I could hear His still, small voice much more clearly than I had been able to recently. One of the things this helped me to do was realize that I needed to not just stop my Warcraft subscription (which I had done almost a month prior but my paid time had not finished up yet) but to actually delete all of my characters. This decision did not make me sad, nor did I really have to struggle with it like I thought I would have. It was like God made my path perfectly clear and in stead of experiencing regret over deleting characters I had spent many hours building up, I experienced a sense of relief. You see, one of the things I realized in the still of the night was that this game, which is simply a game, had become to me something that was actually causing stress in my life.
How can a game stress one out? Well, for me, since I had multiple characters there was always something I needed to do for these guys. In a sense I was juggling the 'lives' of these guys and making decisions. Well, by my very nature, if I have a decision to make, I will think and research that decision ad nauseum. So, my daily thought life was becoming filled with planning and decision making for fictional gaming characters. Sounds silly as I type this, but that is what was happening to me. So, when I made the decision to actually delete these characters what I felt was an actual release of my mental energies. So, now, without the perceived need to think about or research for a game, I have been able to refocus my mind on Christ.
Here is another amazing side effect of this decision. Since I had a lot of stuff these characters had amassed, I gave it all away. I felt like what I might imagine a dying cancer patient must feel when he knows how much time he has left. All of those things I once worked so hard to obtain became to me nothing. So, I gave it all away. That process was one of the most fun times I had playing Warcraft. I gave a lot of stuff to a guy who I had known for about 6 months. I don't think he is a Christian but I encouraged him in the Lord numerous times. I sent him an in-game mail and gave him my email address to write to me if he ever wanted to know more about eternal salvation. I saw him on-line last night as I was deleting my guys and he expressed an interest in staying in touch via email. Who knows, perhaps this is part of how God is bringing him into the Kingdom. The rest of my stuff and a lot of my gold I gave to a guy I had basically just met. As I was saying goodbye to my guild-mates and explaining why I was leaving the game, this guy starting chatting with me about the Lord. He and I instantly hit it off. We have already made email contact with each other and he has been a great encouragement to me. I had a few others encourage me in the Lord and tell me they would pray for me and one guy who really asked I pray for his job situation. Amazing - you are playing a game and around you there are believers everywhere but nobody really knows it. So, in the end, I have developed a true friend in Christ and someone who perhaps I can lead to Christ. How awesome is that?!
Well, almost 6 am and have been working on this blog for almost 45 minutes. Gonna get out my Bible and sit by the fireplace (only 30 degrees this morning - the other day was just a little glimpse of spring being around the corner) and spend some time with the Lord.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Taking off the old...
I read the book of Colossians last night. The 3rd chapter was speaking to me loud and clear. So much so, that when I awoke this morning I read that chapter again. The thought that I need to seek those things which are above is what most captured my heart. It is in that truth that I see much of my own error. Though I have been raised with Christ, I seem to continually and always seek those things which are earthly. Just like in salvation there are two camps in which people live (saved vs. unsaved), there are only two camps for anything we encounter during life (earthly vs Godly). Sadly, most of my choices are for the earthly. Sure, Sunday mornings are devoted to the Godly. Many of my quiet times during the week would be considered Godly. But what about my thought patterns and decisions during the remainder of the week. Earthly for sure. I know that in my heart there are times when I am even performing a Godly task but my mind is thinking about earthly things. My thoughts race from financial concerns, future plans, Warcraft, and the like all day long. Why, I ask myself, do my thoughts race to and fro as they do when I have been raised with Christ and my life is hidden with Him? I suppose part of that answer is that I love those things. I am not supposed to, but I must if I allow my mind to devote so much time to them. What I desire, however, is that my mind would be renewed in Christ ala Romans 12. I need to put to death all those things which are earthly in me. Even the thought of that hurts. It sounds wonderful and I know for sure that the fruit thereof is wonderful, but actually putting to death EVERYTHING in my life which is not Godly is going to be a difficult task. Difficult...heck...it is impossible to be completely sanctified this side of Heaven, but it is something I must strive for. I need to start being very intentional in discerning "earthly" vs "Godly". When I deem something as earthly, I need to put it to death. Lord, I cannot do this without your help. So, I ask you send your Spirit afresh in my life for discerning truth from error. Let my thoughts and actions conform to your will. This I pray. I pray this is not something that last only a day. There is patience and endurance for your saints. I need it today. I need it tomorrow.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
First blog
Well, here it is, my first blog. Really, I believe this will simply be my personal journal outlining my journey in this life. I suspect nobody will ever see this, let alone find encouragement or hope through it. That doesn't bother me at all, for this is simply a tool for me to release what is in my heart.
Life is difficult.
The truth of this is all too evident in our lives. The lie our society feeds us is that life is supposed to be easy and fun. I guess it all depends on how one defines fun. If fun is getting drunk and living an immoral life style, then fun is easily obtained. The problem lies in the fact that self-indulgence NEVER satisfies our souls. It may seem to ease pain as we anesthatize our minds with drugs, alcohol, or busy-ness, but it never satisfies. The other problem is that self-indulgence and selfishness is the life that most of us lead. Selfishness is our default mode and the only way we really even know how to live apart from Christ.
So, here is my first blog. I am sure this will end up sounding like a schizophrenic mess, for that is sometimes how my mind feels. It is as if my mind is racing 1000 mph every moment of the day and all I want it to do is to slow down. I find myself becoming frustrated at how active my mind is. I am convinced this is not healthy, but I do not know how to apply the brakes. Perhaps I am ignorant. Perhaps I actually like my mind to race as it does. I say I desire a simplified life, and, yet, I keep making decisions which complicate it.
As I sit here in the still of the night, I wonder if this frantic activity is one of the things which killed my father (died at age 48 from a heart attack). Life is difficult. Life is difficult on so many levels it is hard to know where even to start. It is as if my life is one which is being lived against the very tide of society. Worse yet, it is being lived in opposition to my own indwelling sin nature. No wonder I may sound like a schizophrenic! So did the apostle Paul when he described the stuggle against sin.
A synopsis of my life currently:
I am coming out of a season of life in which I made many bad decisions which were rooted in an attempt to better my situation and provide for an early retirement. I have purchased different parcels of land and houses in a frantic search for a 'perfect' life. I have started (and now sold at a large financial loss) two real estate companies which I had no business even starting in the first place. I have researched ad nauseum cars, boats, and houses. I have bought those things only to have sold them as they didn't satisfy nor bring me any closer to either a perfect life or early retirement. The scary thing is not that I purchased all of these things, but the fact that I had deceived myself so greatly that I believed at the time that I was making wise decisions which would be used for Godly purposes. I have been humbled by how easy it is to get off track in life.
Easy to get off track, but how to get back on? I think the key to this answer lies in contentment and humilty. Both of these admirable qualities are hard grasp. Heck, they are hard to define. So, I have been reading. 17th century Puritan writers have an appeal to me in these areas. They had such a better grasp of Providence, Godliness, contentment and humility than the writers of this age seem to have. Maybe not, it just seems like that to me currently. The amazing thing is that even in the 1650's, people had the same struggles that I now face. Society really hasn't changed much since then. Sure, it is easier to stay busy now and distract ourselves with all sorts of media bliss, but the pull of the world system is no different.
Distractions. Isn't that what media offers. Television, music, games etc. all distract us from real relationship with one another and with God. Distractions are (for a short time) able to get our mind off of the painful things we all face and allow us to not deal with real issues in our lives. I am the king of distractions. T.V. and music hold no allure over me, for I cannot just sit and be still that long. It is computer gaming which holds the most appeal for me. It is in computer gaming that I am able to allow my mind to be active and interactive (I like role playing games, most recently World of Warcraft - beware, the game sucks you in) without really making decisions which have real consequences. (Consequences like buying crap I don't really need...not small things usually...I am more into big-ticket items). Of course, I acknowledge that there ARE in fact real life consequences of playing too much. Lack of sleep and lack of Bible study are just two quick examples. Not to mention the fact that my mind is still not quieted when I am offline. My mind will wander and I research Warcraft-related stuff. So, nothing has changed with my thought patterns. The only thing which has changed is the object of my thoughts and energy.
I know the one true object of my thoughts and energy should be Christ and His Kingdom. There have been plenty of times in my life when that has been true. It just seems like those times are fewer and far-between as of late. I guess one of the real reasons I post this blog today is to help me refocus my mind onto Jesus. I do truly love Him. Not perfectly, but I do. I feel sad to think how I can give my affections to anything in this world (games included) when I know what He accomplished for me on the Cross! The thought that one day I will see Him face to face and be washed clean is the hope which keeps me going day by day.
The title of this blog refers to Christian's journey to the Celestial City as outlined in Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress. It is my belief that next to the Bible, this book should be required reading for every Christian. I am, like Christian, on a journey. Also like Christian, I am apt to get off of the straight and narrow way which leads to the object of my desire. My hope is that this blog will help me stay on the path. If it helps anyone else, that is simply a bonus.
Life is difficult.
The truth of this is all too evident in our lives. The lie our society feeds us is that life is supposed to be easy and fun. I guess it all depends on how one defines fun. If fun is getting drunk and living an immoral life style, then fun is easily obtained. The problem lies in the fact that self-indulgence NEVER satisfies our souls. It may seem to ease pain as we anesthatize our minds with drugs, alcohol, or busy-ness, but it never satisfies. The other problem is that self-indulgence and selfishness is the life that most of us lead. Selfishness is our default mode and the only way we really even know how to live apart from Christ.
So, here is my first blog. I am sure this will end up sounding like a schizophrenic mess, for that is sometimes how my mind feels. It is as if my mind is racing 1000 mph every moment of the day and all I want it to do is to slow down. I find myself becoming frustrated at how active my mind is. I am convinced this is not healthy, but I do not know how to apply the brakes. Perhaps I am ignorant. Perhaps I actually like my mind to race as it does. I say I desire a simplified life, and, yet, I keep making decisions which complicate it.
As I sit here in the still of the night, I wonder if this frantic activity is one of the things which killed my father (died at age 48 from a heart attack). Life is difficult. Life is difficult on so many levels it is hard to know where even to start. It is as if my life is one which is being lived against the very tide of society. Worse yet, it is being lived in opposition to my own indwelling sin nature. No wonder I may sound like a schizophrenic! So did the apostle Paul when he described the stuggle against sin.
A synopsis of my life currently:
I am coming out of a season of life in which I made many bad decisions which were rooted in an attempt to better my situation and provide for an early retirement. I have purchased different parcels of land and houses in a frantic search for a 'perfect' life. I have started (and now sold at a large financial loss) two real estate companies which I had no business even starting in the first place. I have researched ad nauseum cars, boats, and houses. I have bought those things only to have sold them as they didn't satisfy nor bring me any closer to either a perfect life or early retirement. The scary thing is not that I purchased all of these things, but the fact that I had deceived myself so greatly that I believed at the time that I was making wise decisions which would be used for Godly purposes. I have been humbled by how easy it is to get off track in life.
Easy to get off track, but how to get back on? I think the key to this answer lies in contentment and humilty. Both of these admirable qualities are hard grasp. Heck, they are hard to define. So, I have been reading. 17th century Puritan writers have an appeal to me in these areas. They had such a better grasp of Providence, Godliness, contentment and humility than the writers of this age seem to have. Maybe not, it just seems like that to me currently. The amazing thing is that even in the 1650's, people had the same struggles that I now face. Society really hasn't changed much since then. Sure, it is easier to stay busy now and distract ourselves with all sorts of media bliss, but the pull of the world system is no different.
Distractions. Isn't that what media offers. Television, music, games etc. all distract us from real relationship with one another and with God. Distractions are (for a short time) able to get our mind off of the painful things we all face and allow us to not deal with real issues in our lives. I am the king of distractions. T.V. and music hold no allure over me, for I cannot just sit and be still that long. It is computer gaming which holds the most appeal for me. It is in computer gaming that I am able to allow my mind to be active and interactive (I like role playing games, most recently World of Warcraft - beware, the game sucks you in) without really making decisions which have real consequences. (Consequences like buying crap I don't really need...not small things usually...I am more into big-ticket items). Of course, I acknowledge that there ARE in fact real life consequences of playing too much. Lack of sleep and lack of Bible study are just two quick examples. Not to mention the fact that my mind is still not quieted when I am offline. My mind will wander and I research Warcraft-related stuff. So, nothing has changed with my thought patterns. The only thing which has changed is the object of my thoughts and energy.
I know the one true object of my thoughts and energy should be Christ and His Kingdom. There have been plenty of times in my life when that has been true. It just seems like those times are fewer and far-between as of late. I guess one of the real reasons I post this blog today is to help me refocus my mind onto Jesus. I do truly love Him. Not perfectly, but I do. I feel sad to think how I can give my affections to anything in this world (games included) when I know what He accomplished for me on the Cross! The thought that one day I will see Him face to face and be washed clean is the hope which keeps me going day by day.
The title of this blog refers to Christian's journey to the Celestial City as outlined in Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress. It is my belief that next to the Bible, this book should be required reading for every Christian. I am, like Christian, on a journey. Also like Christian, I am apt to get off of the straight and narrow way which leads to the object of my desire. My hope is that this blog will help me stay on the path. If it helps anyone else, that is simply a bonus.
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